We do not aspire to be perfect mothers.
We don’t want to be such highly regarded people who sacrifice their own happiness and lives.
Whoever came up with this fanatical idea and whosoever has been marketing it for years, why in the world would you do that, why would you put mothers in such an uncomfortable situation.
Why would you create such high ideals and illusions that women have to fulfill, make them believe that they have truly accomplished if and only when they have made multitude of sacrifices.
What sort of totally unnecessary preaching is this, and why do we buy into it? Why when we think about ourselves, our careers, our dreams, our lives, we tell ourselves, we should not be making those a priority now, we question ourselves, and see ourselves and being very very selfish, to even have those thoughts. As though it is a sin to think about oneself.
The expectations, the ideals, the entire image of a perfect mother is so heavily constructed, we have a hard time to even fathom where to begin. And we just end up doubting everything that we do.
And seriously who came up with this list of qualities that a perfect mother should embody which are beyond humanly applicable. There is something so seriously wrong with the pressure that is mount upon a mother, no one, no one should start such a beautiful journey with so many doubts and questions and misgivings about her capability or the lack of it, about herself. No woman should see motherhood on such a high magnitude that it internally terrorizes her.
The advertisements, the serials, the movies, do they lie big time. It’s not one wonderful feeling, that you are just showered and flowered upon with one heartwarming experience after another.
It’s a day to day confusion, about everything and anything, that we do. And as much as this pertains to how we take care of our child, it is also about ourselves and our lives, which goes through such a major upheaval that you are not able to fully comprehend it, the fact that our lives will never ever ever be the same again, is very very overwhelming for us.
Yes, of course having a child, adds to our lives in ways that we could not have imagined, and the bonds deepen and strengthen each day, adding unbridled joy and boundless love in our lives. It is blissful. And that is enough for us.
But please don’t tell us that this completes us. And please don’t make us feel inept or selfish or cruel to want to have lives of our own as well.
Cause the truth is, when a woman is compelled to make one sacrifice after another there are going to be regrets that crop up inside her. And these are bound to lead to some level of resentment, and a mother with regrets and resentment is not going to raise a happy and confident child.
At some point the child is going to grow up and gain maturity. And once they do, that they will see through you, that you could have done and been so much more. But you let it all slide by to raise the child, that you sacrificed your dreams and hopes for the child. And that is not a pleasant reality for your child to face. It is going make them feel guilty about it, and a guilt trip for life, is not something you want to bestow upon your child.
So, maybe mothers need to be selfish, living the life she desires, a truly fulfilled life, to become a vibrant mother who radiates joy and happiness, which just overflows to her children, and they grow up to be blissfully happy contented souls, wrapped in the warmth of their mothers love.
That’s who we should aspire to be fulfilled, content, loving mothers.
We do not want to be ideal mothers, that’s too heavy a title to carry around.
We want to be mothers with all our flaws and our faults, with all our doubts and our confusions, with all our stupidity and dumbness, with all our frustrations and anger, with all our childishness, intact in our craziness, we want to be mothers complete in our inadequacy.
So, let us please be the mothers that we unabashedly and uninhibitedly want to be, the mothers that we humanly possibly can be, the unique mothers that each one of us are.
Original article posted on– https://manandhareva.medium.com/
